With knowledge comes Suffering

Wow isnt that the truth i mean seriously with great power comes great responsibilty ha ha my favorite saying. I personally think that i have been having "TEEN AGE PROBLEMS" for as long as i can remember.I think the reason why im so mature for my age is because i had to grow up long before my time. i had to know what and how to read devorce papers at the age of six legal and non legal.Looking out for number one is something i have always taught myself. How to do everything that i do. I guess thats why my favorite movie growign up was "Matilida" i knew where she was coming from. I never ever wonderd why it was that i was this way. Now that im sixteen and living with my father i understand where he is comeing from i can identify with adults more than i can with teens my own age sad as it is. Its the reason why i dont have meny friends and why i hate coming to school and dealng with people my own age some of them are just to immature its why i fall asleep in class sometimes. Not to jsutify why i do it i know its worng and i try so hard not to but it becomes a habit when i know that life is nothing but and empty whole and that life truly is ment to live and then let die or that could be my nieave view or prospect of life worng as it could be it could also be right i really dont have any teenage problems because i choose not to have them i get along with my parents why not because i like my mom even though she could burn in hell for all i truly care. i dont really like my dad but hey he is there. my little sister is a pest but what can i do she's ten. my big sister is lost in her own world of living alone because she is only 26 ha ha ha i wonder do i ever have teenage moments i mean i dont do drugs i dont have sex i dont hang out late at night i make decent greads what more could parents ask for who knows i never speak about how i feel towards my family or my friends so then i have no conflics i lock myself in my room so i hear no conflic and i see none i do my best to be me and i cant wait till the day i go to college rather it be Agnes Scott or USC or even NYU those will be the days that im finally Free teenage drama is for the faint at heart the ones that think there parents are stupid well then they want drama i have enough form outside sources other than just teen stuff so i dont need any mor i would fora normal healty realtionship with my parents where we figh basicly every ten mins but i cant id rather just be quite and i think thats how i get through all my suffering.

All in the family

So you wanna know about my family wow thats real intresting. my family is not the most intresting people walking the planet. My Mom is a jesus freak and a compulsive lier my dad tries his best to be a good Dad but in my opinon he is failing horriblely. for the most part i love my family i have two sisters and i had two brothers. (Ryan and Zach RIP) i miss them alot. im the middle child so o guess i go throuogh the most stuff. i try not to let my family get to me but it can get real hard.I realize there my family and thats never going to change but hey can i get a refund or something in exchange. They can be nice when they wanna or there putting on a frount. i laugh because my parents make themselves seem more appealing but dont let them fool you. i dont think there are really any happy times that i could possibly remember over the past sixteen years. can always recall the bad ha ha but yyou dont wanna know all the i think i can remeber one it may not be happy but more sad but at least not badl.
" i walked into my grandma's house and the smell of pound cake filled my senses. i knew why i was there but for that split moment that i smelled that cake i totaly forgot why i was standing there in the first place. my mom came towards me gave me a hug and then it dawned on me once again like it did the whole trip down. My brother was dead and im only here for his funaral tomorrow. At that moment i felt liike crying but while trying to be brave for my mom and little sister sake. I felt the weight of the world come crashing down upon my back. i heard my grandmother in the background yelling for us to close the door we were letting flys in. the gospel music was playing louder than usual and that could only mean one thing my sister was drowing out her thoughts of our long gone little brother. With that of "We lift our hands in the sactuary" there was so much heart ache and sarrow in one room it was to hard to bare. I walked around the house as if i were a ghost seeing through my brothers eyes what he can see form the heaven above. I never wanted to be there i never wanted to see my brother laying in that ice cold blue casket with four Angles on either corner. I can still see his face emotionless laying in the casket my mom falling on the ground form seeing her baby boy only seven years old. i wouldnt have been there i wouldnt have sawin if it was for my very great grandma she said that WERE ALL FAMILY and this is what family does. when your Five and 11 years old But hey were all in the family and that means we all had to go. i saw them lower his casket from the bottem of the limo floor the carpet soaking up my tears i wonder if after five years the tears will stop flowing but im sure its just another reason to hold my head down. My mom always says to me year after year your brothers been dead for 2-3-4 and now he's been gone five years. even though the memory of his lifeless body stil haunts my dreams i know my mom is peacefull because like she said its been five years."

ok so thats the story of my life not real there is much much more but hey what can i say i didnt have the best i wasnt the worest but hey iv gotten through it with only a scratch a bruse and a scar that will never heal ok now im done.